Some of my personal favourites:
'Not All Pain is Gain'
'If We Don't Take Care of the Customer, Maybe They'll Stop Bugging Us'
'The best leaders inspire by example. When that's not an option, brute intimidation works pretty well, too'
'If you're attractive enough on the outside, people will forgive you for being irritating to the core'
'The Secret of Success is knowing who to Blame for Your Failures'
'It's always darkest just before it goes pitch black'
'Genius is 1 percent inspiration and 99% perspiration, which is why engineers sometimes smell really bad'
'Minds are like parachutes. Just because you've lost yours doesn't mean you can borrow mine'
'Some people dream of success, while other people live to crush those dreams'
As humorous as some of these skewed quotes are, there are a few I still do not believe it:
'Dreams are like rainbows. Only idiots chase them' - I'd rather chase them thank you very much, at least I have a goal to aim towards and positive affirmations work wonders!
'You aren't being paid to believe in the power of your dreams' - true, but if you're lucky/shrewd enough, you will be able to manage this easily - let's release this to the angels to take care of the finer details!
You can read more of these wacky quotes on http://despair.com/